Bullying

Melissa Waldrum

Bullying seems to be on the rise in local area high schools. We hear stories of bully's picking on kids, taking their money, and belittling them in front of peers.  This is not ok with God. It is from our own hurts and pain that we act out in this way, focusing on others by controlling and manipulating them. It must give people a sense of self worth if they can bully others and push them around. Sometimes it’s even happening with students bullying teachers.  God did not put us down here on earth to manipulate and control others; he called us to “Love Others”.  How is it that some just believe they were put here to suffer?  How is it that some find their worth in treating others badly?  How is it that we have moved so far away from God's love that we find it fulfilling to be a bully or a victim?  How is it that some have not learned who they are in Christ and that we do not have to keep agreeing with the enemy?

I believe that we need to stop and take a look at ourselves internally and really check to see if this is an issue in our lives.  We all want to feel like we are in control of something.  We may not be able to control our home life, or our situations that we find ourselves in, but resorting to bullying is not the answer.  If we truly take a moment to examine ourselves we will see that God is the only one that needs to be in control of anything or anyone. We as human beings are not able to make solid good decisions without God's involvement.  Maybe we don't love ourselves enough to surrender to God.  It would seem that many take life into their own hands by trying to be something they were never intended to be, trying to gain power or money.  They build their own empires so to speak by instilling fear in others, and trying to take ownership over them.  The other side of that coin is that there are others that feel they are not worth standing up to the bullies in their lives; they just lie down and wait to be taken out, either because of fear or believing the lies of the enemy. 

Consider, for instance, little Sally who is always quiet and doesn't get caught up in drama, and just tries to get through life without any confrontation is being bullied by Helga, the big overbearing teenager with a  loud mouth, and sits there and puts up with it out of fear or doubt, which young lady is most in the wrong?  Is it Sally for putting up with it or Helga for doing it?  I mean as Christians we all have some spiritual authority.  Some may abuse it, some may really use it, and some never knew they had it to begin with. 

Sally has an obligation to God, to keep Him as the authority in her life, She needs to love Helga and not allow another human being’s view of her to determine her self worth or her future decisions.  Sally is obligated to walk in faith and not in Fear, and seek out the help of other adult leaders that can offer support and guidance in the situation. 

Helga is obligated also.  She is obligated to deal with her own pain and seek out God's deliverance for her and not project her pain and wounds onto others.  Helga needs to surrender her power and control over others to God.  Just because Helga has been hurt or manipulated and controlled doesn't give her the right to act out against others who seem weaker and easily taken advantage of.

            In this day and age that we are living in, it is important to remember where your place is in the Body of Christ.  We are not called to be weak or overbearing.  We are called to love. In fact, we are called to love God, to love ourselves, and to love others.  If we can't love God, ourselves, or others then the proper thing to do is to seek help from Godly leadership.  It's ok to tell someone you trust that you are struggling with bullying or with being bullied.  Admitting that you are struggling is the first step to God being able to deal with that wounded part of you.  We are nothing without God.  If we leave him out of even one area of our life, we are missing the blessing. 

Many have tried life without God and many have failed.  The very emotions that we are struggling with are the very emotions that God created.  It only makes sense that we should get him involved.  If we were driving a car and it broke down would we take it to someone that deals with horses, or maybe someone who does landscaping, or would we try to fix it ourselves even though we know nothing?  The smart thing to do would be to find a mechanic who specializes in cars.  The same is true with God, he created our emotions, he gave us our self-worth, the smart thing to do is to talk with him and know where he stands on who we are, and what we are worth.

Call Me Crazy - Melissa Waldrum

I guess this must be a gift that I have because most people would think I’m crazy if I tried to tell them these stories that I am about to share.  However I must speak frankly when I tell you that everything I am about to share is true.  The names and identities have been changed to protect the innocent, but the stories are true.

It all started about four years ago when I started working in youth ministry.  The kids were around the ages of 13-17 and I just loved working with them.  I opened my home to them for fellowship, and shared my vehicle and my time by picking them up for youth group and taking them home.

When I was approached by my youth leader and asked to head up girls' night I was pretty happy about that, but what would I do with them?  Stressing over trying to find things to do with them I realized something very valuable. If you give teenagers a chance to be who they are and put a little faith in them, you might really be surprised what you see.   I really believe that teenagers today just want a chance to hang out and be themselves They aren't really looking to get in trouble they just don't have enough alternatives to keep them out of trouble, but thanks to a few fun noodles, a green blanket, and some ice blocks, we never ceased to have and enjoy good clean fun even though we never had any money.

I can remember a Sunday afternoon after attending church I grabbed my portable barbecue, a green blanket, some hot dogs and a few kids, we headed to Lime Street park where for the next two hours each teenager took turns wrapping up in the blanket and hopping around the park until they fell over. I just sat back and watched how they really didn't care how silly they looked they were having fun.  Even recalling one young man who's name will not be released, hopped so far across the grass that he hit the small wall and toppled right over the ledge onto the other side. Thankfully no injuries were reported.

Another time I had the girls over at my apartment, I think about seven of them, I stopped at the dollar tree and purchased foam fun noodles and glow sticks, These girls loved every minute of being able to beat on each other with these fun noodles and not hurt each other. They wore their specialized glowing jewelry with pride as we danced around to music in the dark and laughed the whole time.

Later, there were incidences reported of marshmallows being shot around the house, (of course this was my home and I gave permission don't try this stunt at home without permission) and some crazy kids with their youth leader were even seen sliding down hills at a local park on an ice block. Yeah these were events that my own parents would have frowned on, but nevertheless it happened. Sure, lots of people discriminated against my ideas of fun, some of the older people looked down their noses when seeing us sliding down the hills, or shooting marshmallows, but I don't regret it. 

In this day and age it seems that we tend to overlook the imagination of a teenager.  I never would have really seen the potential in my green blanket at the park that day.  In fact, I, in my adulthood, looked at that blanket as an opportunity to spread it out and take a snooze, the kids saw it as a “green burrito” that could bring them hours of entertainment.

Many people today have had bad experiences with teenagers and do not value them as respectful, responsible young adults, but I must say that I have not experienced that on a regular basis.  I think that teens today just want a little quality time spent with them, a few silly moments, and someone to take the time to share life with them, Sure they all have their off moments and need to step back and make sure they’re within healthy boundaries, but for the most part, they just want an opportunity to be themselves.

I guess that must be why I am in youth ministry.  I'm not a perfect person, I make mistakes just like the next person, but in this thing called life I love to help others have the time and space they need to be who God has created them to be. Sometimes we are still working on areas but if we are diligently seeking a chance to mature and become responsible, I think we need to have equal moments of being silly, and having fun.  So many times the enemy robs us of those fun moments, and he does it for a reason.  Call me Crazy, but I think he just wants us to be logical all the time so we miss out on the joy of this life and finding happiness in even the simplest of things.  He is faithful to meet us right where we are at if we allow him to. From needing to be more responsible in school or work, to working on our attitudes and maintaining healthy balance, to just letting our hair down and enjoying life, God will provide the things we need.

Even if there's no money for Disneyland, or iPod’s, or fancy name brand clothing, God, through us can help us locate the child within and build on it. Life's hard, and times are hard but God is a Good God, we sometimes just have to see him through the simple eyes of a child.  They can teach us a lot about how to lighten up, and enjoy life.

He Who Guards His Tweets Preserves His Life - Brian Cox

My first job was with an engineering company in the mid 80’s.  I worked there for just under a year and learned a tremendous amount about electronics and machining.  The trouble with that job was the owner.  He was mean spirited and very intimidating!  I must have conjured over two dozen scenarios where I could give this oppressor a piece of my mind.  The problem was, each time I came face to face with him, my resolve would disintegrate.  During that time, I never really discussed my troubles with my parents, friends or youth pastors.  I basically absorbed the difficulties of my situation until my performance dwindled to the point that I was “invited to leave.”

             Fast forward two and a half decades.  I still see way too many examples of young adults refraining from discussing problems with wise counsel.  Instead, their troubles, thoughts and wounded emotions are broadcast to the planet via venues such as Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter.  Troubles at school? Update your Facebook status.  Relationship problems?  Send out a tweet. 

Posting Whatever Is On Your Mind

 More often than not, these “posts” are sent in the heat of the moment, and are sent out with ease because they can be said without the need to be face to face with others.   Let’s take a look at what the word of God has to say about the practice of saying whatever is on our mind:

⁴ Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. ⁵ Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! ⁶ And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. ⁷ For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. ⁸ But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. ⁹ With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. (James 3:4-10, NKJV)

Communication: It’s Not Just For Your Tongue Anymore

            As we read the passage above, we understand that the spoken word was the primary way people of the day communicated.  In fact when I was a teenager in the 80’s, the spoken word (made possible by our tongues) was still the primary method of communicating.  What would you say are the primary ways of communicating in this day and age?  Many modern communication methods don’t involve the tongue, but they are still words, and you and I are responsible for them all.  Consider this passage:

³⁶ But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. ³⁷ For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:36-37, NKJV)

           

Seeking Wise Counsel

When you or I make a telephone call, the odds are pretty good that it is just the two of us on that connection.  Not only that, unless the FBI feels like recording us, there is no copy of our phone conversation floating around.  However, when we post something on the internet, odds are it is stored somewhere forever.  Worse than that, according to internetworldstats.com, there are 1,966,514,816 users on the internet as of September 2010.  It doesn’t sound like we have any chance of controlling who reads what we post.

            Posting your troubles or musings on the internet is literally like telling the whole world.  Shouting our troubles from a mountain top is not what God has in mind for us. We can gain further understanding of this from the following passage:

¹ Blessed is the man
         Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
         Nor stands in the path of sinners,
         Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
 ² But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
         And in His law he meditates day and night.
 ³ He shall be like a tree
         Planted by the rivers of water,
         That brings forth its fruit in its season,
         Whose leaf also shall not wither;
         And whatever he does shall prosper. (Psalm 1:1-3, NKJV)

            Let’s continue with this verse:

⁵ A wise man will hear and increase learning,
      And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel, (Proverbs 1:5, NKJV)

            We live in an information age.  It’s up to all of us to use wisdom, and seek wisdom regarding the information we share.   I’ll leave you with the following verse:

³ He who guards his mouth preserves his life,
      But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. (Proverbs 13:3, NKJV)

-Brian Cox

Click here for a lesson plan based on this article.

Accepting a Leader Role With a Ministry - Brian Cox

Deciding to accept a leadership role can be very daunting. I have compiled some items below that I trust will help you in your decision making process. These items will only work when you have God at the foundation of your deliberations.

• Do you have time for the position right now?
• Could it be that this position may add too much to your plate at this season in your life? On the other hand perhaps it may be time to stop some other activities in order to make room for this new opportunity. Spend some time laying out what your schedule would be like. This will help you make the correct decision.
• The ministry may ask you to make a commitment to hold the position for a certain amount of time. Be sure that you know what the expectations are. Are you ready to commit to the duration of time the position requires?

• Do the ministry’s core beliefs match your own?
• Being a leader for a ministry is like being in a romantic relationship. Consider the following example: You can be so excited about new things that you don’t want to ask tough questions about the other person, because asking those questions might damage the relationship. When in reality, the tough questions are the only true test in determining compatibility with the other person.
• Take a hard look at the ministry’s statement of beliefs. Also, consider discussing those beliefs with a person you would be reporting to, should you accept the position. Be ready to ask all the questions that you feel led to bring up. Remember that if this ministry wants you to be a leader, then they need to trust your judgment. They should accept a discussion with open arms.

• Do you feel that you are being coerced, manipulated or pushed into this position?
• Ask God to pull you back from your own perspective, and to give you His view of the situation. Ask him to show you any hidden purposes in both the physical and spiritual world. Ask God to remove all pride to give you humility at all times (especially as you make this decision)
• Being asked to be a leader can be very flattering. That flattery can cloud your judgment. There is no question that you have talents which God has blessed you with. However, that talent will only be effective if it is in alignment with His will and His timing.

• Is your discernment and judgment respected by the current leadership?
• As a leader, you will need to constantly assess the events that you are responsible le for. Furthermore, you may need to adjust the course of an event or perhaps even bring it to a halt if you determine that it is moving away from God’s will. Does the leadership understand that you will be using all of your senses to discern how God is moving? Will the leadership trust your judgment, and give you the authority to act on that discernment? Keep in mind that you must operate with the understanding that you will need to always act under the guidelines that the leaders give you so that you don’t enter into rebellion.  Will those guidelines restrict the way that God is moving in your life?

• Consider seeking counsel from others regarding this decision.
• Discussing your decision with others can be very helpful, nevertheless, keep the following in mind:
• Your counselors should be Christians, whom you believe to be in alignment with the Holy Spirit and should have experience in leadership.
• If you are married, then your spouse should be your primary counselor.
• Your counselors should not be one of the people that you would report to. This helps assure an impartial opinion.
• Avoid seeking counsel from too many people. Every new counselor is another new opinion. By limiting your advisors, you will be able to maintain your focus. Try to limit the count to two or three people.

• Sometimes the invitation to participate in leadership involves a deadline. There is nothing wrong with deadlines, in fact we can use them to help determine God’s will. It may be that you are not able to make a decision in time allotted. That very fact could be confirmation that it is not part of God’s timing to accept the position.

•  Once you have made your decision, using the factors listed above, be ready to stand by it.
• If you agree to accept the position, be ready to be tenacious in your position as a leader for the duration of your commitment. Being a leader is very challenging. Remember that God has brought you into this position, and it is God’s responsibility to equip you with everything you need. Some people meet trials as a leader, and begin to think that the trials mean they shouldn’t have taken the position. This is not necessarily true. We need to only go as far as the book of Acts to see that effective people of God can face extreme challenges!
• If you decide not to accept the position, keep a close eye on the leaders when you let them know. Their behavior will tell you a lot about the future of your relationship with this ministry.
• If they respect your decision, and treat you cordially, then you will know that these are people you would like to work with in the future. Perhaps new opportunities will arise that will match up with God’s will and timing for your life.
• If they question your decision, and try to talk you into accepting the position, then this means they don’t really trust your judgment, and it’s a very good thing that you didn’t take the position. Remember that all you should have to say is, “I don’t believe that this is what God intends for my life right now.”

-Brian Cox